watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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