She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
