So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
