Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
