dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
