I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the day after is always just damage control
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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