I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
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I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
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You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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