also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
