rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
