i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
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If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
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So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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