Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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