So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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