They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
