Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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