you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize