im having a threesome with these popsicles
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
