dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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