Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
