They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
