Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
