Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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