Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
