ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
