Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
