Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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