Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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