Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
