im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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