The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
