Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
