i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
as a side note pls kill me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
