Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
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I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
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I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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