mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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