Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
