The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
