spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize