she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
