once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
