another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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