I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
