sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
