She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
