I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize