Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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