i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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