I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
