So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
