worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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