awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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