So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
