Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We need to get me chipped asap
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
