chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He did a backflip because drugs
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
