Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
