if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
