There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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