I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
