Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
