Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
