I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
