I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Less talking, more tequila
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Everyone says I win the strip club
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
