We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
