I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
