If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
