Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
