I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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