I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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