I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
