my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My bed smells like the plague
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