So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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