3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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