There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
